A New Kind of Big Bad Wolf!
by WileE2005
Summary: We all know Disney can be sneaky sometimes, right? Watch as the underrated antagonist of the three Little Pigs, Zeke M. Wolf, works for Disney World's secret spy force! Tons of other Disney characters appear as well!
1. The Spy Force

**A NEW KIND OF BIG BAD WOLF**

By Wile_E2005

DISCLAIMER: Zeke Wolf, and all related characters and trademarks are copyrighted by the Walt Disney Company.

STARRING THE VOICES OF:

JIM CUMMINGS – Big Bad Wolf, Nasty Jack, Peg Leg Pete, Winnie-the-Pooh, Kaa, Tantor Elephant, Don Karnage

COREY BURTON – Professor Ratigan, Ludwig Von Drake, various crowd members

BARRIE INGHAM – Basil of Baker Street

VAL BETTIN – Dr. David Q. Dawson

PAT CARROLL – Ursula

JONATHAN FREEMAN – Jafar

GILBERT GOTTFRIED - Iago

TOM KENNY – Rabbit, Stan Woozle

TOM HANKS – Woody

B-5 – Boy Band

ROB PAULSEN – P.J., Pecos Bill, Sheriff of Nottingham, various crowd members

KATH SOUCIE – The Bimbettes, various crowd members

KEVIN MICHAEL RICHARDSON – Br'er Fox, Sebastian

PHIL SNYDER – Jiminy Cricket, Jim Crow

FRANK WELKER – Fidget, Droopy, Lucifer, Ice Cream Vendor

KATHLEEN TURNER – Jessica Rabbit (speaking voice)

AMY IRVING and MELISSA MANCHESTER – Jessica Rabbit (singing voice)

MAURICE LAMARCHE – Robin Hood

JAMES MACDONALD – Evinrude (archive audio)

BILL FARMER – Goofy, Practical Pig, Grumpy

SCOTT MENVILLE – Li'l Bad Wolf

? – The Boss

1: The Spy Force

On the Streets of America in the Disney's Hollywood Studios theme park at Walt Disney World, all the guests and patrons were carrying on and having a good time. They did not notice a shadowy figure in a trenchcoat, fedora hat and sunglasses was standing in an alley. The only distinguishing features were a large wolfish snout with a black nose, and two black ears perking on the sides of the hat. He took down some notes and casually walked out of the alley. Among entering a telephone booth, he picked up the receiver, put in a coin and dialed.

A voice came from the other side of the line: "Got the password?"

"Woof!" the mysterious figure barked. Then he hung up the phone. Suddenly the floor began to lower, taking him down into a hallway in the basement. He walked all the way down this hallway, and came up to a door. He opened it, and among arriving at the desk he met the secretary, whom was none other than Ursula of _The Little Mermaid!_

"Go right on in Wolfie. The boss is expecting you," Ursula said.

The shadowy figure then removed his fedora and sunglasses, revealing his full face. He was none other than Zeke Wolf, known by his friends and other people as the Big Bad Wolf! Underneath the fedora was his distinctive beat-up top hat. "Thanks, Miss!" the wolf growled.

Then the Wolf walked up to a set of large doors with "THE BOSS" above them. He pushed the buzzer, and the doors opened up. Inside, the boss, who sat in a large chair and his face was in the shadows, was there. He was petting Lucifer, the cat from _Cinderella_.

"So, you have completed another day snooping around, Mr. Wolf," the boss said, in an electronically distorted voice.

"Yes, sir!" the wolf grinned. "Not much to report, though. Just the usual suckers being roped into spending a lot of money at your theme park, teenagers that are big fans of your Disney Channel tween shows, and little kids that like the stuff on Playhouse Disney. Nobody has gotten suspicious of our spy ring yet."

"Excellent!" the boss said. "My other men cannot compare to your spying. Pete is too big to be in stealth mode, Kaa's hypnotic eyes are a giveaway, Fidget is unable to fly and his peg leg makes his sneaking too audible, and Fozzie Bear is too focused on telling bad jokes in order to be an efficient agent. And I don't want to bring up any of my other spies. I am totally disgusted watching them FAIL me, while I only get total protection from you, B.B. Wolf."

Wolfie growled in agreement, sporting a big wolfish grin.

"If you want to make me happy, you can help be sure that my latest plan succeeds," the boss added.

"Yes, I am glad I don't have to chase those three pigs anymore," the wolf said. "I can now spend more time with some of my good friends when I have the spare time."

"The rest of my men are going over to Epcot via the monorail," the boss explained his plan. "Once I give the signal, we begin to give all of the patrons of the park a rough time, yet still making them spend a lot more money on everything here. If that works, we will also do the same at the other parks and complexes of Disney World, and then Disneyland, Disney's California Adventure, our cruise line, Disneyland Resort Paris, Tokyo Disneyland, and eventually the whole world!"

The Big Bad Wolf liked that idea. He playfully howled in approval, and then said, "You're such a foul, cunning person. I like that!"

"This time," the boss said, grinning menacingly, "failure is OUT of the question! Now pick up your paycheck from Ursula and take the weekend off."

"Aye-aye, sir!" Wolf said, and left the office.

…

Outside the spy headquarters, the Wolf had put his sunglasses back on, but not the fedora (he kept his top hat on instead). Then he ran into his good friend Big Pete, also known to his friends as Peg Leg Pete, even though he no longer had a peg leg. Pete was similarly dressed in a trenchcoat, but he did not have sunglasses or a hat on. "Well, if it isn't old Wolfie!" Pete laughed. "What a serendipity-doo-dah!"

The Big Bad Wolf gave Pete a big hug and playfully slurped his face. "I'm not as big and bad as you think anymore," he laughed, tilting his sunglasses down and slyly raising his eyebrows.

"I was wondering if you could teach me…" Pete began, but then his cell phone rang (the ringtone was the Humphrey Bear/Walt Disney Cartoon Classics collection theme music) and he answered it. "Hello? Oh, it's you P.J. Oh sure, go ahead and do that. I don't mind. Just don't try to mess up Goofy's place! See you tomorrow." He hung up and said to the wolf, "That was just P.J. He wants to sleep over at Max's house and I gave him the go-ahead. Anyways, I was wondering if you could teach me how to be a good crafty spy like you?"

"Of course I could!" the wolf grinned. "I will teach you on our ultimate mission on Monday."


	2. Inside the Wolf's Den

2: Inside the Wolf's Den

The Big Bad Wolf had now just arrived back at his little den. On the outside it looked like an average cave with a door, but inside it was like a very nice house. The wolf took off his sunglasses and slowly slipped out of his trenchcoat. Underneath, his black fur and tail were showing, with his distinctive red pair of trousers and suspenders. Then he slipped on his bathrobe and he took off his top hat, put in on a coat rack, put on a red fez and his reading glasses, got out his "Fables" graphic novel and sat down in his easy chair and began reading. A little while later, the wolf heard a very familiar voice…

"Hello there, Wolfie…"

Zeke Wolf looked down and saw another friend of his; the notorious Professor Ratigan, complete with top hat and cane.

"Ah, hello there Ratigan!" the wolf said. "I didn't hear you come in."

Ratigan slyly grinned and said, "One of the many advantages of my size. But DON'T SAY THE R-WORD!"

B.B. Wolf laughed. "I sure won't!" he said. Then he took off his reading glasses and got up from his seat, "Make yourself comfortable! I'll get us some refreshments."

"OK," Ratigan said.

However, outside of the house, the great detective Basil of Baker Street was watching. He had noticed his arch-nemesis Ratigan entering the wolf's den and suspected something suspicious occurring. Apparently he had heard rumors about the Disney spy ring and went to investigate. He snuck into the crack under the door Ratigan had used to enter…

Back inside, the Wolf reentered his den holding a tray with two beverages in wine glasses. "Here we go," Wolfie said. "A glass of wine for the world's greatest criminal mind, and some regular punch for me."

"Aww, you're too kind!" Ratigan blushed.

"FREEZE RIGHT THERE!" a voice called out. The Wolf and Ratigan instantly turned to the direction of the sound and found Basil of Baker Street right there. "I know you two are behind a very evil crime together, involving the entire Walt Disney Company! Not a corner of the enterprise is safe while Ratigan's at large."

"We know, we know," the Big Bad Wolf said. "No evil scheme he wouldn't concoct, no depravity he wouldn't commit, yadda-yadda-yadda."

"I suppose you've watched my movie, Mr. Wolf?" the great mouse detective asked.

"Of course!" the wolf laughed. "I LOVE that film!"

Basil began, "Did you see the scene after my entrance when I was describing Ratigan's evils to Dawson and Miss Flam-hammer…"

"Flaversham!" Wolfie and Ratigan corrected.

"Whatever," Basil said. "But I still think that Ratigan, you are none other than a slimy, contemptible…"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Ratigan warned. As he said this, the Wolf quickly shed his fez and switched his fez for his top hat, and lunged toward Basil.

"Sewer ra-ooh, mmph!" Basil's shouting became muffled as the Big Bad Wolf pounced on him, putting his large paw over Basil's mouth.

"Thanks, Wolfie. You're a real lifesaver," Ratigan said.

The wolf barked playfully and grinned. "Shall I dispose of this pest?"

Ratigan bowed, removed his hat and said, "As you may."

Grabbing Basil by the tail, the Big Bad Wolf began spinning the mouse in many circles before ultimately tossing him out the window. "That takes care of that," the wolf laughed.

"I've got to get Felicia to try and get Basil," Ratigan said. "He messed up my biggest crime involving the queen's diamond jubilee, and interfered with many of my other plans! But now he will be very sorry. In fact, I just warned the entire Disney spy force about that second-rate detective!"

"Maybe our little green army troops can take him out!" the wolf said. Then he and Ratigan both laughed evilly together.


	3. The Plan Goes Under Way

3: The Plan Goes Under Way

Soon, it was Monday. A beautiful woman was walking into the office of the Boss. She appeared to be human, had nice shapely breasts, a brown faux fur coat, long blond hair, designer sunglasses and some kind of scarf covering her nose and mouth. The boss, still remaining in the shadows, said in his electronically distorted voice, "That is a very clever disguise."

The woman pulled down the scarf and removed the sunglasses, revealing the Big Bad Wolf's true features underneath, whom laughed and said, "Thanks, boss! This is sure to fool those unsuspecting Disney World patrons!"

…

Zeke Wolf, in his woman getup, headed over to the Epcot Center. Some men wolf-whistled and did catcalls at the "woman," whom giggled and flirted briefly before quickly whipping off the wig and scarf, giving the guys a glimpse of his true wolfish face. This sent the men screaming and running off in horror.

…

Peg Leg Pete, stumbling around in sunglasses, suddenly bumped into the disguised wolf. "Oh, I beg your pardon Madame…" Pete began, blushing.

But then the lady tilted the scarf off her face, revealing the wolf's muzzle again. "Surprise!" he laughed.

Pete took one look, and burst out laughing. "Oh man, that disguise is going to fool EVERYONE!" he said.

"It sure is!" the wolf grinned. Then he tied the scarf back onto his head, and he walked over to the Imagination! Pavilion. There he saw Fidget wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses, Kaa hiding in some sort of shoe, Jafar and Iago both disguised in overcoats and fedora hats, Gideon wearing sunglasses and a beret, Tantor the elephant in a trenchcoat and sunglasses, Si and Am the Siamese cats stacked up in some kind of Chinese robe, Stan Woozle, wearing a pair of dark glasses, and Sebastian wearing a rasta wig cap.

Then the wolf got out a walkie-talkie and whispered into it, "OK boss, the other agents have arrived."

"Good! It won't be long now!" the boss said over the walkie-talkie.

…

Meanwhile, Basil of Baker Street and his trusted associate Dr. David Q. Dawson were pondering around in the flat Basil lived in. The rodent detective was muttering to himself, "If only there was some way we could expose Disney's spy force without us truly managing to get caught… AHA! I've got it, old chap!" he then called out.

"Ah, what is it Basil?" Dawson asked.

"Have I shown you my latest creation, Doctor?" Basil said, wheeling out some kind of contraption that looked like a laser gun on a stand. It was larger than both mice standing on one of the other's heads. "It is an enlargement device, thus raising me to nearly six feet tall! This will make it easier for me to infiltrate the Disney parks as part of my undercover case."

Basil placed the laser right next to him, pressed a button, and the next thing you know, the mouse was human-sized! "Aha! It works, old boy!" Basil laughed triumphantly.

"Basil, you amaze me!" Dawson remarked.

"Quite right," Basil said, then picking up the still-tiny Dawson and placing him in his trouser pocket. "I deduced that since our wolfish friend would be at the spy force's latest dastardly scheme, I would get into the double-trouble game as it may. Zeke has disguised himself as some lavish girl, and many of the other Disney spy agents are also there undercover with rather ridiculous disguises." As Basil spoke, he went over to a costume closet of sorts, which was full of different clothes, robes, hats, wigs, masks, gloves, makeup and other assorted items. Quite a few Disney character costumes were in there as well. "I shall attempt to disguise myself as our adversary, thus baffling the real wolf. As the conflict occurs, have you got that emergency radio with you?"

"Yes," Dawson said, "to broadcast to the patrons about what is happening. But, how did you suspect what was going on at the parks?"

"It was elementary, my dear Dawson," Basil explained, slipping into the black furry wolf suit, complete with red trousers and green suspenders and white gloves. "Now come along Dawson," he said, as he slipped on the wolf mask and top hat, completing the illusion, though the costume had a red top hat instead of a black one. He said, trying for a Big Bad Wolf imitation, though it wasn't as good as the Wolf's true voice, "Off to the Imagination Pavilion!"


	4. Impostor Wolf

4: Impostor Wolf

Meanwhile, the boss was watching the actions over at the Imagination! Pavilion over a set of monitors in his office. He chuckled and said, "It is time." Then he pressed a button, and nearby, a small cattle prod dove right into Pumbaa's rear. Pumbaa screamed long and shrilly, and the plan was under way.

Among hearing the scream, many of the Disney spy agents shed their disguises. The wolf kept his woman's suit on. The crowd began talking in confusion on what was going on. Then all the lights came down, and a spotlight was brought up on the lady, whom was standing on some kind of podium. "She" chuckled evilly, and then grabbed the bottom of her fur coat, and instantly ripped off the whole getup, revealing the Big Bad Wolf's full features, complete with his trenchcoat and his old top hat. The crowd began gasping and screaming in terror.

The Big Bad Wolf let out a long evil laugh. He then jumped down from his podium. "Ladies and gentlemen," he growled, "our Disney spy force is here to make sure your trip here will be EXTRA pleasurable!"

More chatter of confusion came from the crowd: "Extra pleasurable?" "Cross-dressing seems a little too disturbing to be fun." "Are they real, or just people in costumes?' "They can't do that!" "I always knew Disney was evil!"

"Give me your fast pass!" Pete said to some teenage girl.

"No way!" the girl said, and whacked Pete with her fanny pack.

Stan Woozle came up behind a family. "Don't make me have you all banned from the park!"

The family's two-year-old son then shouted, "Hi-YAH!" and kicked Stan in the groin!

Professor Ratigan then entered, dressed appropriately in his best clothes, his cape and his top hat. He chuckled and said, "Thank you, Wolfie. We are announcing that Disney is going to take over all of your lives! Soon, all of you will be PENNILESS!"

The crowd gasped.

"Exactly," Ratigan continued. "We will jack up the prices for EVERYTHING in this park! Tickets will cost a thousand dollars, and the park hopper cost will be $500, not $50! Restaurant meals will be $300, nothing at the gift shops will be under $75, and soon even photos with Disney characters will be twenty bucks a pop!"

Fidget hopped over and said, "Yeah, like what my old boss says!"

"FIDGET?" Ratigan asked. "You are now part of the spy force?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I thought you hated me!" Fidget said.

"I STILL DO!" Ratigan roared. "Now, back to my announcement. A heavy tax will also be levied against certain parasites and spongers attending the park, such as the elderly, the infirm, and ESPECIALLY… little children!" he said, sneering up to a nine-year-old girl.

The Big Bad Wolf barked in agreement. "Tell them the rest of the plan!" he said.

Ratigan cleared his throat and continued. "After we successfully raise the costs and taxes for the Disney World resort, we shall do the same for the Disneyland resort in California, the Tokyo Disneyland and EuroDisneyland parks…"

The wolf leaned and whispered something into Ratigan's ear.

"Oh, I mean Disneyland Resort Paris," Ratigan chuckled, and continued, "…the Disney Cruise line, and Hong King Disneyland. And then we will jack up the prices for everything sold at the Disney Stores, and then, we will soon buy every mega corporate media company in the country, and then the WORLD! Nothing will be cheap or affordable anymore! $30 bread loaves! $75 boxer shorts! And MORE!" He then laughed a long, triumphant evil laugh.

As Ratigan laughed, some kind of shadowy figured pulled Zeke Wolf out of the area.

Fidget whistled and gleefully stomped his only foot (since he had one leg). "That's Ratigan for ya! He knows how to be a villain!"

Then as Ratigan began his next part of his speech, what appeared to be the Wolf reentered, but without his trenchcoat on, a red top hat instead of black, and a partially-visible zipper underneath his neck.

"So, we will make the Walt Disney Company extremely rich and wealthy, and make our economy be in even worse shape than it is now!" Ratigan announced. "Ah Wolfie, how did it go with Basil being out of the picture?"

"All taken care of," the "Big Bad Wolf" growled in a slightly-strange voice.

Ratigan sighed and continued to the crowd, "For as you all know, I am the world's greatest criminal mind? Does anyone want to hear my song?"

"NO!" the other spies and the "Wolf" shouted.

…

Meanwhile, in some kind of closet, the real Big Bad Wolf was tied up. He struggled a bit, and after a few minutes, he decided to try and cut the rope with his sharp foot claws and fangs. And it worked! In no time, the wolf was free! He broke down the door (because it was locked) and ran all the way back to the main room, where Basil had taken his place.

…

"Let's get down to business, shall we?" Ratigan was saying, when a door opened and Zeke Wolf stormed in.

"Zeke?" Peg Leg Pete said, and then confusingly pointed over to the impostor next to him.

Ratigan gasped. "Wolfie! But, but…"

"What the?" both wolves asked. Soon they began circling each other and pointing at each other, pointing at each other. "Get him, Ratigan, that's Basil! No, arrest him! That's an impostor! I am not! You are so!" they both said in perfect synchronization.

"It's impossible to tell who's who!" Stan Woozle commented.

"Then you must be dumber than we think," Pete told him. "Get the one in the suspenders!"

The true wolf pounced on his impostor, then grabbed underneath his double's chin and peeled off the wolf mask.

"BASIL? …" Ratigan nearly had a heart attack!

"He must've enlarged himself with one of his science experiments!" the wolf snarled, then glared at Basil. "You think you're so smart, don't you? Well, I can top that old parlor trick!"

And with that, Zeke Wolf grabbed underneath his own muzzle and peeled off his latex mask, revealing Mickey Mouse underneath!

Ratigan gasped even louder! "NO! Please… no!"

Tantor panicked, being afraid of mice.

"MICKEY?" Pete shockingly asked. Then he ran over to Mickey and noticed something with the mouse's neck. "FAKES!" he shouted, and tugged Mickey's mask off to reveal…

"STITCH?" All the other spies asked.

"It couldn't be!" Jafar said, peeling the Stitch mask off the figure, this time revealing…

"TIGGER?" the crowd shouted. But Stan ripped Tigger's head off the figure to then reveal…

"FIGMENT?" Everyone asked in unison except for the purple dragon.

"Who's he?" Kaa asked.

"Figment" then said, peeling off his dragon head, "All right, enough with the silly masks!" Underneath the Figment mask was the Big Bad Wolf once again, top hat and all.

"Are you sure?" Iago asked, flying over to the wolf, and tried tugging on his nose. A loud "HONK!" was heard, and the wolf yelped in pain. "Sorry," Iago said sheepishly.

"I wonder how Zeke could fit into all those rubber masks at once?" Pete asked. But he didn't have time to think about it.

Basil suddenly shrunk back to normal size, his costume collapsing to the floor as he did so. He and Dawson climbed out from the pile of black fur and tried to capture Ratigan, and it would've worked, if only Ratigan hadn't jumped onto a model of the MetLife blimp someone was happening to control. At this, Pete pounced on the man controlling the blimp, swiped the remote and tossed it over to Ratigan, thus sailing out the window. Basil and Dawson both began to try and chase the airship.

The Big Bad Wolf also managed to make his escape. After nabbing Basil's empty wolf suit and putting it in his handbag, he ran out an exit, climbed up a tree, and with precision timing, grabbed onto his hat and jumped onto a passing monorail, landing on the roof. He stood up and taunted the innocent bystanders standing outside the pavilion in distress. He laughed and sang, "Ha-ha! You'll never be able to stop our true power! Toodle-oo!"


	5. Chase Through the Park

5: Chase Through the Park

The monorail sped past out of the Epcot center all the way to the Magic Kingdom. Once it stopped at one of the stations, the wolf jumped off the roof of the train, and by the time the speakers on the monorail cars announced, "Please stand clear of the doors. _Por favor mantengase alejado de las puertas_", the doors closed and the monorail departed the station, the wolf was now jumping onto the back of a train along the Disneyland Railroad just as it was pulling out of the main station.

As soon as the train chugged by Splash Mountain, the Big Bad Wolf jumped off and caught onto a tree branch. He leaped right by a passing log on a water slide full of screaming women! After that, he saw Basil and Dawson! The wolf sprinted down the road and ducked into the Hall of Presidents. 

But the wolf didn't stay in very long. Even though nobody saw him there, he just came in during the Gettysburg Address sequence, and couldn't stand hearing that animatronic Abraham Lincoln once again.

Basil told Dawson, "All right my trusted associate, you track Zeke over to where he is dashing for right now."

Dawson looked behind him, and saw the Wolf slip into the Haunted Mansion not too far from them. He gulped and said, "But Basil, I heard that place is full of ghosts, goblins and other spooks!"

"Ah, don't be silly!" Basil laughed. "That's all superstition."

…

So Dawson entered the Haunted Mansion. He was rather nervous, walking through a hall of portraits, just as it began thundering outside. Rain suddenly began pouring outside. "That's funny," Dawson thought. "It wasn't supposed to rain today."

Suddenly, with a loud crack of thunder, Dawson cowered at the sight of a hairy werewolf-like shadowy figure at the top of the Grand Staircase! The wolf let out a long, powerful howl. "!"

Dawson gasped in fright and scrambled out of the mansion as fast as he could. The shadowy figure leaped to the bottom of the staircase, revealing it was just the Big Bad Wolf all along. He laughed and put his top hat back on. "Sometimes being a wolf can REALLY come in handy," he chuckled to himself, exiting the Mansion.


	6. Nasty Jack

6: Nasty Jack

In the downtown streets of Frontierland (as it was sunny once again outside), the Big Bad Wolf just stood outside the Golden Horseshoe Saloon and checked his pocket watch. But then a dark shadow loomed over him. The wolf looked up and saw none other than Nasty Jack, the nastiest horse thief ever, from _Winnie-the-Pooh_.

The wolf barked in excitement. "Nasty Jack! I haven't seen you in a long time!"

"That's right," Jack said. "I'm part of Disney's spy force now, too! I cover Frontierland, being a horse thief and all. And I'm here to stop that Bay-sil or whatever his name is from ruining our plan. And YOU are going to help me out! _Comprendo?_"

"Sure thing!" Zeke Wolf said. "What exactly are you going to do to Basil?"

"Well, THIS!" Jack answered. He grabbed a nearby man passing by, curled him up into a ball, bounced him a bit, then tossed him through an old wooden basketball hoop, and then tossed him into a large bag. "I'm gonna TROUNCE him!"

The wolf chuckled evilly. "This is sure to work!"

…

The Big Bad Wolf had ducked behind the Country Bear Jamboree theater. He set down his black handbag, then whirled around in a tornado-like spin, and when he stopped, he was now dressed in a classic Western outfit, complete with vest, spurs on white boots, a handkerchief on his neck, and a holster with an ice-cream scoop in it (since Nasty Jack wasn't into guns). The wolf opened up his handbag, pulled out a white 10-gallon cowboy hat, and tugged it over his top hat. Now he completely looked the part.

Nasty Jack whistled. "You're a natural-born Western villain!"

Basil and Dawson didn't show up, but Woody the cowboy did, as did Jesse the Cowgirl, Bullseye the Horse, the Masked Bear (a.k.a. Pooh) and his faithful steed (which was Eeyore). It was time for a showdown.

…

The sun was now lowering. The showdown was about to begin. Nasty Jack and Zeke Wolf on one side; The Masked Bear, his faithful steed, Woody and Etch-a-Sketch on the other.

"All right," Pecos Bill announced on the side. "Remember, no violence here, and nothing too extreme. Ready, set, and… DRAW!"

Jack, the Wolf and Pooh all drew out their scoops, each one loaded with a scoop of a different kind of ice cream flavor. But Etch-a-Sketch drew a picture of a gun.

"NO!" Jack roared. "No guns allowed in this fight! Only ICE CREAM SCOOPS!"

"Oh fine, SURE!" Woody sarcastically said. "We're gonna have a showdown in the magical land of lollipops and chocolate, where violence does not exist, and everyone smiles! Well then I'm in that land! La, la, la!" He then pulled out his scoop, which was a bit difficult since he was just a small toy holding a large ice cream scoop.

Nasty Jack fired his chocolate ice cream at Eeyore, whom managed to dodge it, as it bounced off a lamp and a wooden support, before landing in an ice cream server's cone he was about to prepare for a customer. "Well that's convenient!" he said to himself.

Pooh tried to fire his scoop but accidentally dropped it. "Whoops!" the Masked Bear said. 

Now the Big Bad Wolf fired a scoop of vanilla ice cream aimed towards Pooh, but the Sheriff of Nottingham, from the animated _Robin Hood_, jumped up and ate the ice cream with one bite! "Now hold on 'folks!" the Sheriff drawled. "Showdowns are now illegal here in Frontierland. There will be a tax y'all have to pay just for firing ice cream, as if guns ain't bad enough!"

"WHAT?" Nasty Jack bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"Ah'm afraid so," the Sheriff said. "It's a new law that Eisner passed back in '01. Plus it's a waste of good concessions."

"Well NOW what are we supposed to do?" Nasty Jack asked. "Hey Zeke, try and have a wolf-to-wolf talk with…" he began, but noticed that the Big Bad Wolf's Western costume was now on the ground, and that the wolf had taken off to avoid the trouble.

"Tsk, tsk… that wolf's in much better shape than ah am," the Sheriff said to himself.


	7. Big Bad Wolf Daddy

7: Big Bad Wolf Daddy

The Big Bad Wolf noticed some kind of boy band group performing in front of the Cinderella Castle at the Magic Kingdom. They were rapping and belting out lyrics to the classic song…

_Who's afraid of the big bad wolf,_

_the big bad wolf,_

_the big bad wolf,_

_Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?_

_We ain't afraid, yo, we ain't afraid, huh…_

__The wolf covered his ears at the music that was cacophony to his ears. He hated how Disney made a gangster rap number out of his famous theme song. He knew what to do.

Ducking into an alleyway, the wolf set down his carpetbag again, then went into a tornado-like spin once again, and when he stopped, he was now wearing a snazzy yellow zoot suit, complete with wide-brimmed hat with a feather in it, as well as a small mustache and goatee and his reading glasses to complete the look. "It's SHOWTIME!" the wolf said.

…

After a quick call on his cellular phone, the wolf, in his ego as Big Bad Wolf Daddy, was ready to go on, holding a trumpet and some large kind of bass fiddle case. He found a power switch, and pulled it down. Instantly, the hip-hop music stopped, and the crowd gasped. The boy band looked confused, and the wolf came dancing onto the stage! He sang as a 1940s-esque jazz song began to play…

_Who's afraid of the big bad wolf,_  
><em>the big bad wolf,<em>  
><em>the big bad wolf,<em>  
><em>Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?<em>  
><em>Certainly not I!<em>

__At this point, Big Bad Wolf Daddy opened the bass fiddle case, and out came the three little pigs, also dressed in 1940s-style zoot suit clothing and playing instruments (the drum, bass fiddle and keyboard), while the wolf was jamming on his trumpet.

_Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?_  
><em>I ain't afraid of no big bad wolf!<em>  
><em>Slap that bass, beat that drum,<em>  
><em>Ready or not folks, here I come!<em>

The wolf continued to play his trumpet as the three triplet ladies from _Beauty and the Beast_ came into the scene, singing…

_He's huffin', he's puffin',_

_Wolf daddy's gonna blow you away,_

_He's huffin', ain't bluffin',_

_Wolf daddy is here to stay!_

Now the crowd was beginning to cheer wildly. The boy band ran out of the park, screaming in terror!

…

After the performance, the wolf and the pigs were laughing, enjoying themselves, for the show was a hit! "OK boys, you can go back to what you were doing now," Big Bad Wolf Daddy told the three pigs. "The 'Play or Filet' contract is now void!"

"Thanks!" Practical Pig said, and he and his two brothers ran off.

The wolf spun around into another whirlwind and this time was back in his trenchcoat, fedora and sunglasses, and slipped away backstage, just as a stage manager entered.

"Hey… where'd that jazzy wolf go?" the stage manager asked.


	8. The Fox and the Wolf

8. The Fox and the Wolf

Back over at Frontierland, the Big Bad Wolf was wandering around. The place was now deserted… what was that? He saw some shadowy figure behind a barrel. Was it an ally or an enemy? There was only one way to find out…

The wolf pounced behind the barrel and found his old pal Br'er Fox!

"Ooh-wee," the fox said. "I haven't seen you in quite a while!"

The two hugged. "What are you doing here?" the wolf asked.

"I thought I'd go on and volunteer for dat old Disney agent force thing to help Nasty Jack in covering Frontierland! Never can tell when I could come in handy! Hee-hee-hee-hee!"

The wolf chuckled back. "I suppose you're also peeved at Disney for not releasing your movie on home video yet in America?"

"Yeah man," Br'er Fox complained, "the movie's not dat racist anyways, compared to dat awful offensive Proud Family show!"

Jim Crow from _Dumbo_ had also flown in. "And people complain more about us crows being racist than dat Song from da South, yet we've gotten a new Blu-Ray release while dat Br'er Fox and his friends are stuck in da vaults!"

"Once dis mission is over, let's complain to the boss, you and I," Br'er Fox chuckled.

"I'm with ya, brother," Jim Crow said.

"Just BE CAREFUL," the wolf warned. "I don't want to see anyone calling the politically-correct police on you guys." And with that, he was off.

…

The Big Bad Wolf was approaching a dinner club in Downtown Disney. Before he entered, he noticed Evinrude, the dragonfly of _The Rescuers_, buzzing towards him. "Hey, long time no see, Evinrude, er, Ee-vinrude, uh, whatever!" he greeted the bug.

Evinrude made some gestures while buzzing at the same time.

"You say Basil is still on the case, and that Ratigan is hiding right here inside this nightclub?"

Evinrude nodded.

"Hey thanks, bug!" the wolf said. "Go try and stop Basil if you can!"

Evinrude mimicked the "Charge!" fanfare via buzzing, but then one of the bees from the Pooh cartoons buzzed up to him angrily. Both insects were flying around each other trying to fight.

"I guess that bee is mad at Evinrude for stealing his 'Charge' buzz," the wolf shrugged, and entered the nightclub…


	9. Jessica Woos the Wolf

9: Jessica Woos The Wolf

(DISCLAIMER: Droopy is owned by Warner Bros., and the reason for his cameo here is that his bit is based off an unused part in _Who Framed Roger Rabbit_, where he was to be the emcee of the ink-and-paint club the night Eddie Valiant goes there to see Jessica Rabbit perform.)

Inside the nightclub, the Big Bad Wolf took a seat at a table. He could watch the entertainment and ponder on his plans. He put his fedora hat back in the carpetbag, pulled out his favorite old top hat again, put his sunglasses in his pocket, and had ordered a tall glass of root beer from one of the penguin waiters from _Mary Poppins_.

A little while later, Droopy the Dog came up on stage, with a small "FAIR USE FROM WB!" tag on his emcee outfit. "Hello, everybody," he began in his distinctive deadpan voice. "I hope you're all having as much fun as I am. I have a small announcement to make. Jessica Rabbit will not be able to sing tonight."

The wolf was surprised. He didn't think Jessica would be performing at the nightclub. But as he was, he heard a roar of disapproval from the men, human and anthropomorphic, real and toon, all around him. Some of them were showering Droopy with debris.

Droopy smiled and said, still deadpan, "I was merely jesting. Without further ado, here's woman times two, our own chanteuse par excellence… Jessica Rabbit!"

As the lights dimmed down, Droopy stepped off stage and the crowd applauded, Zeke Wolf gasped. He knew he couldn't resist pretty girls (it's a toon wolf thing.) He'd have to be very careful not to stand out, or there could be trouble.

Sure enough, the intro of the smoky song "Why Don't You Do Right" began, with a familiar curvaceous leg poking out of the curtain into the spotlight.

"_You had plenty money in 1922…_" the sultry female voice began.

The curtains then opened, revealing Jessica Rabbit in all her sexually suggestive glory. She had her glittering pink dress on, matching purple arm gloves and high heels, and her distinctive long red hairdo. Behind her, some crows and mice were accompanying on a jazzy combo.

"_You let all the women make a fool of you…_

_Why don't you do right… like some other men do…_"

As Jessica sang, she took the microphone in her hand and walked along the long stage runway, teasing some of the men. At this point, the Wolf began to pant heavily, and he noticed many of the other males were too. They were panting so hard you couldn't keep a match lit!

"_Get out of here… get me some money, too…_" Jessica continued singing. She truly did enjoy flirting with the men!

In all this, the Zeke hoped Jessica wouldn't go near him. Not only did he have a major crush on her, but also he was worried she would recognize him and spoil the whole plan!

"_Now if you had prepared 20 years ago… _

_You wouldn't be a-wandering now from door to door… _

_Why don't you do right… _

_Like some other men do?_"

The Big Bad Wolf watched as some drooling man was trying to get too near the stage, and Jessica casually gave her a kick, sending him falling onto a table.

"_Get outta here… get me some money, too…_"

As Jessica continued singing, the Wolf could feel his body getting more and more stiff. He was sweating profusely now, holding back his true colors. He took a swig of his root beer, and that seemed to help a bit…

Jessica sat on Fagin's lap (yes, Fagin, the kind bum from _Oliver & Company_), removing his cap and running her fingers through Fagin's hair. Fagin blushed and smiled goofily.

But then, Jessica Rabbit got onto Zeke Wolf's table as she sang "_Why don't you do right…_" She leaned toward the nervous wolf, singing "…_like some other meeeennnnnnn…_" Just before finishing the song, she grabbed the Wolf by his trench coat, and leaned him into her face, making him blush and smile goofily.

"_Dooooooooooooooooooooo?_" Jessica held the note as she let go of the wolf, returning to the stage. Dumbstruck with love, the crowd began applauding at her performance. She looked back at the Big Bad Wolf with a rather sexy smile before going behind the closing curtain.

The music however continued once the curtains were completely closed. Suddenly, the tempo picked up as the music became louder and upbeat. The curtains opened again, to reveal Jessica Rabbit once again. She was grinning as now, instead of the pink dress, she had a sparkling red leotard on, with white pantyhose and a dark blue skirt. Accompanying her on stage were Ariel and Jasmine, wearing old-fashioned pink dancer outfits!

"_Hey, fellas… I'll take off all my blues!_" Jessica sang, removing her skirt to show her full leotard. The whole crowd went wild!

That did it for the Big Bad Wolf. He leaped into the air and wolf-whistled loudly, and let out a large howl. "AROOOOOOOOOOO!"

"_Hey, fellas… there's nothing I won't do, just for you!_" As Jessica sang that line, she seemed to point and wink at the Wolf.

As the upbeat Dixieland-esque jazz continued, Jessica and her dancers continued performing onstage. When Zeke wolf-whistled again, he realized he wasn't alone! He could hear more familiar howls and wolf-whistles all around him. He looked around and noticed Merlock the Magician, Don Karnage, Rama, the Sheriff of Nottingham, and several other Disney wolves all acting the same way toward Jessica! He even eyed the wolves from _Peter and the Wolf_ and _The Sword in the Stone_ panting and howling over Jessica at one of the tables! Surprisingly, Jessica didn't seem to mind, and neither did anyone else in the audience.

The Big Bad Wolf pulled out a sledgehammer and pounded himself with it a few times, and then his eyes popped out in a Tex Avery fashion, and his tongue rolled out from his mouth, piling up around him. Noticing this, the wolf quickly pulled the tongue back into his mouth. But then he jumped up onto the table on all fours and began banging the side of his head with one of his feet. All the other wolves in the nightclub were doing the same, or at least similar.

At the bar stand, a manager was asking Droopy, "What's with all the wolves? Has this ever happened before?"

"Oh, I'm pretty much used to it," Droopy said, still deadpan.

"At least the other customers don't seem to mind," a penguin waiter reported.

That was true. Some of the ladies and the non-toon men couldn't resist laughing as they watched Zeke and all the other wolves going gaga over Jessica's performance. But they didn't seem to notice Fidget creeping around, obviously interested by Jessica's number.

"_So, dream on… and drink your beer!_

_Get cozy… your baby's here!_

_Hey boys, I'm talking to you!"_

The Big Bad Wolf suddenly briefly stopped his lust, as he was floating about a foot from his chair, noticing not only Fidget, but that an obviously drunk wolf was dancing with Ariel and Jasmine in a kick line. The wolf didn't look familiar to Zeke. He had a spotless black tuxedo on, had mostly brown fur with his muzzle area tan, a thin mustache and a crazy look in his eyes. (Yep, this is Tex Avery's wolf!) Zeke Wolf gulped, because he knew what was most likely going to happen. At the same time, Droopy was doing a facepalm.

"_Your baby's gonna come through!_

_Let me…_

_Be good…_

_To…_

_Yooooooooouuuu!"_

At that point, as Jessica held that last note once again, Ariel and Jasmine kissed the unfamiliar wolf dancing with them, and sent him tumbling off stage!

"Yeah!" Jessica finished the song with a grin.

Now the Big Bad Wolf wanted to get out of the nightclub right away. He had remembered what happened after a similar performance in _The Great Mouse Detective._ But he couldn't help himself. His body was already rocketing toward the closing curtains!

"Some wolves have all the luck," Don Karnage said to himself.

…

Behind the curtains, the Big Bad Wolf pounced onto Jessica.

"Oh… the Wolf…" Jessica said, acting not the least bit startled.

"Homina-homina-homina-homina!" the Wolf said, his tongue drooling, his eyes wild.

"Come along with me, Wolfie…" Jessica Rabbit said suggestively.

Jessica took Zeke into her dressing room.

"You know… I used to be sick of the wolves that lusted over me…" Jessica began.

Suddenly, Zeke Wolf snapped out of it and came back to his senses. His heart was still pounding and he was still nervous, not just because he was in the same room with Jessica, but he was also nervous the mission would be all messed up!

Jessica coolly shut her door, saying "I know I'm married… but I also have a hunger… a hunger to make out with a wolf… someone that doesn't make me laugh for a change…"

"Uh, wait!" the Big Bad Wolf said, "What if Roger finds out? You remember what happened…"

"That was just scripted," Jessica said. "My darling will understand!"

"But, errr, um, I was in the movie!" the Wolf said, a little panicky. "You remember? I was in the sheep suit!"

Not paying much attention, Jessica applied a bit more lipstick as she said, "My sugar-poo Roger remembers you. He enjoyed your work. But as for me…"

"Er, uh, Jessica…" The Wolf said. "I don't really have the time for this!" He tugged on his coat collar, sending a small blast of steam from underneath.

"You've got all the time in the world for appointments…" Jessica was feeling more lustful.

"All right, that's enough!" the Big Bad Wolf shouted, finding the courage to do so. "I've seen this happen in the movies many times. You're going to try and seduce all the secrets out of me so the mission can fail. Is that it?!"

Jessica gasped softly. "You… think I was going to try and do that?"

"Of course," the wolf said. "There's always a pretty girl that tries to seduce the hero, i.e. me, into letting out the secrets and all that junk, and the mission backfires!"

"Oh…" Jessica moaned. "I am actually on YOUR side."

The wolf looked puzzled. "You… are?!"

"Yes, I am…" Jessica Rabbit explained, stepping behind a dressing curtain thingy. The Wolf could feel himself getting stiff again as he watched the silhouette of Jessica changing her clothes. The sultry female toon continued, "I work on the spy force as well. They do need a luscious female toon on the force, as it's a tradition. I'm not too big on Disney trying a big corporate takeover of the world. After all, they just bought out Lucasfilm…"

"Hmm…" the Big Bad Wolf checked a nearby newspaper clipping. She was right.

"I'm turning around some of the other spies, to try and make Disney revert back to their original magic, up to at least how they were back in the eighties and nineties…" Jessica had pulled her usual red dress back on.

"Uh, heh, heh, that sounds like a good idea…" Zeke Wolf didn't know much on what to say. He had remembered that he was still in the same room with Jessica Rabbit. It was something he'd always dreamed about, but he never imagined she'd be on the spy force as well.

"Oh…" Jessica moaned, sounding vaguely sexy. "You don't know how hard it is being a female spy, looking the way I do…"

The Big Bad Wolf chuckled. "You don't know how hard it is being a wolf… looking at a woman the way you do."

"After all, Disney's not bad…" Jessica continued. "They're just drawn that way."

"Like you," the Wolf added, panting once again.

"Oh, Wolfie…" Jessica said. "I think I managed to have turned you around. Now I want you to help in doing so, while I work with some of the other toons…"

"Oh, JESSICA…" the Wolf said.

"Zeke…" Jessica said. She and the Wolf leaned toward each other and began to kiss. As they did, the Wolf's eyes got wide, his hat jumped off his head, and the tan part of his face began to glow pink.

But their embrace was suddenly cut short when they heard loud crashes and bangs coming from outside the door.

"I knew it," the Big Bad Wolf said. "It's a bar fight!"

Jessica and the Wolf peeked out. It was total chaos and violence in the club! Some people were choking each other, others were punching each other, and there were others firing guns! Zeke spotted Fidget, blissfully drinking some beer, acting as if the fight wasn't going on behind him! A bullet hit one of the lights, darkening the club. It was a really massive riot.

"Crap. How are we going to get out without getting shot or injured?" the Wolf asked.

"Follow me," Jessica said, grabbing the wolf and his carpetbag.

Back in her dressing room, Jessica opened a trapdoor on the floor underneath a rug. "It's my own personal emergency exit," she explained, "and this truly IS an emergency."

"I like the way you think," the Big Bad Wolf grinned, as he and Jessica disappeared down the trapdoor…

(Sorry about the long delay; I was busy with other things at the time being. BTW, how did you like my combining Jessica Rabbit's "Why Don't You Do Right" with "Let Me Be Good To You" from _The Great Mouse Detective?_ I got the idea from Darth Ben Valor's crossover fanfic "The Great Dog Detective," and I went and added the classic "Tex Avery Wolf" twist to it!)


	10. Another Master of Disguise

10: Another Master of Disguise

The Big Bad Wolf and Jessica Rabbit had ducked into a leaky underground tunnel that was almost like a large sewer system. As they traveled through it, Jessica was explaining about her part in the mission.

"The boss doesn't know about what I'm doing with the other agents. So far I've only turned around a few good guys in the group. Now I just need to work with the villains, like you…" Jessica softly stroked the wolf's muzzle.

"Heh, heh… you've already turned me to the good side," Zeke Wolf grinned.

"That's just what I wanted to hear," Jessica said.

…

Now in some kind of office building, the Big Bad Wolf was taking a nap on a leather couch in the lobby. He had his hat pulled over his eyes, snoring away. However, he awoke to the sound of a voice saying, "Cousin Zeke… is that you?"

The wolf woke up, readjusted his hat, and saw another wolf standing in front of him. He looked a bit similar to Zeke, but his muzzle was white instead of light tan, and he was wearing a pink turtleneck sweater and gray sweatpants, and he also had a brown derby hat on.

Zeke didn't recognize the wolf. He had seen most, if not all of his relatives, and this wolf did seem like he could be a distant relation.

"I beg your pardon?" the Big Bad Wolf asked. "I don't think I met you before…"

"It's me, your cousin Reynard Wolf!" he said.

"Hmm…" Zeke said. "I don't remember any cousin Reynard…"

"Well, uh," Reynard said, "I'm your second cousin twice removed, something like that…" 

"That sounds a bit clichéd…" Zeke noted.

"Anyways, it's really nice meeting the famous original Big Bad Wolf, face-to-face!" Reynard shook hands with Zeke Wolf. He did notice Reynard's voice sounded a bit familiar, a little gruff with a slight English accent to it.

"You don't seem so bad to me," Zeke said, but then all of a sudden, something snapped in his brain. "HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!" he roared. "I don't HAVE a Cousin Reynard!"

Reynard sighed and said, "Yes, you are right."

"You're probably someone trying to defeat us," Zeke accused. "You're probably Basil enlarged with his ray thingy again, like earlier today, or maybe one of the Fab Five characters, or… curses, it's hard to tell!"

"I think I can answer that," Reynard said. He then began tugging on the sides of his face, then pulling upward, letting his head stretch out quite a bit. Then with a wet "SNAP!" the rubber mask popped off, revealing a certain handsome 'toon fox underneath…

"ROBIN HOOD?!" Zeke Wolf asked in disbelief.

"Surprise!" Robin Hood said in his true voice, pulling out his yellow archers' hat with a red feather stuck in it.

"It's been such a long time since I've seen you!" The Big Bad Wolf and Robin Hood gave each other a big hug. They have been good friends for years. Both were also masters of disguise, and sometimes swapped each other techniques on how to do so. "So, what are you doing here, Robin?" 

"Don't worry," Robin Hood chuckled. "I'm not involved with this mission or trying to stop it from occurring. I did hear from Jessica about the whole ordeal, and thought I'd come by to visit you!" As he said this, he slipped out of the turtleneck sweater and white gloves, then hopped down from the stilts he was on, his own orange-red fox tail popping out from the costume's black wolf tail.

"That's very nice of you," Zeke Wolf said. "I do like how your disguise skills have improved a bit." As he said that, he removed his top hat and decided to try on the wolf mask Robin Hood was wearing.

Robin Hood said, "Thanks; I think Little John is improving too. Last week, as a practical joke he dyed all of his fur gray, and with a little makeup and the removal of his clothes, he looked just like Baloo!" He laughed and added, "Sure did cause some confusion! They even wound up doing the old mirror routine."

The Wolf was tugging the mask of his phony cousin Reynard over his own head, the mask making soft slurping sounds as it stretched onto his own features. Once he adjusted the latex mask to fit perfectly on his face, placed the derby hat on top of it and tucked the neck into his trenchcoat, he said, "That doesn't surprise me; Baloo and Little John look like THEY could be distant related cousins!" He laughed.

"Sometimes I'd even roam the parks wearing the official Robin Hood walk-around costume, and no one would be the wiser, not even official Disney World employees!" Robin Hood and the Wolf both laughed together. He then looked at his friend and said, "It doesn't even look like you have a mask on, old boy!"

Checking a nearby mirror, Zeke Wolf just had to agree. "I think I'd make a better 'Cousin Reynard' than you do, Robin!"

Robin laughed, and said "Maid Marian isn't into the disguise game that much, although we have occasionally done costume roleplay when we'd, you know…"

"Oh?" the wolf asked.

"Marian is now expecting," Robin softly said into Zeke's ear, or rather, "Reynard Wolf's" ear.

"Congratulations!" The Big Bad Wolf shook his hand. "Maybe we can try and soften up Disney before you and Marian start a family."

"I did indeed hear about the plan Jessica Rabbit started, to make the initial mission for Disney's world domination backfire. It's a lot like in my film, but I'm staying out of this one," Robin Hood said.

"Yeah," the masked wolf added. "I don't know if Basil was notified yet, because he's trying to solve this, on account of his old enemy Ratigan being involved…"

"Basil?!" Robin Hood asked. "I never really liked him. He's all blah-blah-blah, constant technical and scientific jibber-jabber, he doesn't really like action, and he smokes too much. Blech."

" 'Blech' is right!" the Big Bad Wolf laughed. "But I haven't seen him for hours now, and so far I'm hoping he is held up. I think for once, _I_ should be a good guy!"

"Then I wish you the best of luck," Robin Hood said, leaping back onto the stilts, and beginning to pull his disguise back on. "Uh Zeke, can I have my mask back? I feel like staying in character more on the way back to my place."

"Sure thing," Zeke Wolf said, quickly peeling the "Cousin Reynard" wolf head off and tossing it to Robin Hood.

Taking off his own hat and then tugging the wolf mask and matching derby, smoothing it out on his own head and making a few final adjustments, Robin said back in his "Reynard Wolf" voice, "I'll probably stop by your place later tonight Zeke, just to catch up on old times."

"OK," Zeke said, "just be careful 'Reynard!'"

With a laugh, the disguised Robin Hood left. No one would ever guess he was in that wolf costume.

But then the Big Bad Wolf remembered something. He wondered out loud, "Evinrude said that Ratigan would have been hiding at the ink-and-paint club. But he wasn't; instead I just saw Fidget there, his old sidekick. I think I'd better call the boss…"


End file.
